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If five portions a day are so good, how come rabbits and slugs are so stupid? 如果一天五份该多好,兔子,蛞蝓怎么傻了?  

2011-06-23 12:00:38|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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The E coli scare is proof positive that fruit and vegetables are inherently evil and should never be eaten 水果,蔬菜的有害变质不可食用是骇人的大肠杆菌存在的铁证

           The German E coli bean sprout scandal offers damning evidence that all fruits and vegetables are dirty beyond reason, toxic timebombs that have secreted themselves at the very heart of global cuisine in the form of trusted dietary staples. Yet government food eggheads continue to bray from their state-sterilised laboratories, demanding that we eat at least five portions of the crusty filth a day. 德国遭大肠杆菌毒害的豆芽提供了挨诅咒的证据;所有水果蔬菜遭到毫无道理的污染。毒性定时炸弹藏在每个形成可靠主食的世界烹饪中心。政府方食品理论家们也继续从他们的国家级消毒实验室里发出呼唤,查询出我们每天至少要吃到5份外皮污秽的食物。

            In the UK, the gustation boffins have even created a persuasive website showing a photograph of a bald man smiling at a pile of yams. But why? What evidence is there for the supposedly health-giving properties of these soil-encrusted tubers and these repulsive, squashy sacks of sticky juice and seed? Isn't it time we rejected fruits and vegetables? 在英国,品尝研究人员已建立起一个有说服力的网站,网站显示着一张拍有一位秃顶男士面带微笑站在一堆番薯旁的照片。但是为什么?这些使人反感装着有粘性的汁液和种子的柔软麻布袋,埋在土壤里该是有益健康的块茎却成了证据?我们剔除水果和蔬菜还不是时候?

             I never eat fruits or vegetables at all, ever, and neither did my father before me, and while I am constipated, fat, breathless and weak, I am not yet dead. I can still manage to slither across the floor to my laptop every day to dribble out my interesting thoughts for money. Open your eyes! What actual evidence is there for the benefits of vegetables, the worms of the food world, scrabbling in the dirt, or of fruits, hanging limply from branches, like plastic bags full of dog excrement hurled into the trees of an East Anglian layby? 虽然我患便秘症,肥胖,气喘和虚弱,可我绝不吃水果或蔬菜,我父亲生我以前也不吃的,我也没死。每天,我还能连跑带滑地穿过楼层到达手提电脑旁,滴着口水想着我感兴趣的钱。睁开你的眼睛!什么实际证据?是为蔬菜获取的利益,食物世界的蠕虫,污秽中的摸索,或是在水果污秽中的摸索,诸如悬挂在无力树枝上,被人用力扔进英格兰东部地区树林装满狗屎的熟料袋?

             Indeed, humanity's relentless forward march of progress has been a journey away from the soil, away from the dirt, away from dependence on mere fruits and mere vegetables. When the futurists sang hymns of praise to velocity and volume, when the vorticists sought to stir up civil war among the peaceful apes, it is doubtful they did so with mouths full of leek and onion. 确实,人类不间断的进步行程远离了土地,远离了污秽,远离了仅仅依靠水果和蔬菜。当未来主义者唱着赞美速率和体积的赞美诗时,当漩涡派画家们设法在平和的类人猿之间惹起内战时,不能相信他们是用充满韭菜和洋葱的嘴在做这事。

           When the mighty, clanging factories of Matlow, Maynards and Trebor first rose out of the north to spew forth processed sweets – individually wrapped Black Jacks, Refreshers and, ironically, Fruit Salads – containing no natural matter at all, we were at last free of the tyranny of the dirt. And as our children's teeth gnashed into these angular and unnatural solids, they were tasting the future. But our masters would not have it so. They fear our freedom. 当麦提罗,麦纳德和楚爱波那些强有力,发出铿锵声的工厂建起时,由于北方散播出加工过的糖果——个别生产工人隐瞒黑肺病,隐瞒糖果里添加提神剂,以及说反话,水果沙拉完全不含自然物质,我们最终还是要从污秽的专制下解放出来。当我们孩子的牙齿咬到这些生硬而非自然的固体时,他们就是在品尝未来。但是,我们的师傅们不应该出这种事。孩子们害怕我们无章的自由。

            Google the words "David Cameron", "fruit" and "vegetables" and you will find literally thousands of fruit-and-vegetable-laden images of the barely elected nest-cuckoo. Taxpayer-funded public relations consultants guide their photographers to snap at the laughing leader as, like some cycle-helmeted Marie Lloyd, he sits amongst the cabbages and peas, encouraging his followers to guzzle these putrid foods themselves. 谷歌搜索引擎显示的“戴维-卡梅伦”,“水果”和“蔬菜”以及你将从字面上发现图像上显示的成千上万水果和蔬菜仅仅是挑选剔除的。由纳税人资助的公共关系顾问带领他们的摄影师去厉声呵斥可笑的领导,就像带摩托车头盔的马里-劳埃德那样坐在白菜和豌豆中间,鼓励他的追随者暴食这些令人厌恶的食物。

            Secretly, Cameron exists solely on a diet of nothing but Eton mess, a dessert concocted from strawberries, cream, meringue, mess and pieces of digestives left over from the historic "biscuit game", still played in Eton dormitories on the day of the costly school's annual cricket contest against Winchester College. But, typically, while Cameron guzzles the mess of the elite, he expects you and I to suck our nourishment from the dirt. 唯独卡梅伦暗自遵守饮食特别规定,只不过伊登郡陷入了混乱。一份用草莓,奶油,调和蛋白和做历史的“饼干游戏”剩下的助消化混合饮料调制而成的甜点心仍然在伊登-温切斯特大学生年度板球赛日扮演重要角色。具有代表特色的是;虽然,卡梅伦极力包揽解脱精英分子的困境,但是,他仍希望你和我从污秽中吸收对我们有利的营养。

             Why this sudden national mania for fruits, this state-sponsored enthusiasm for vegetables, despite the warning emanating, as it has done so many times before, from Germany, historically the land of long shadows, where even the bean sprouts carry the curse of Cain? As usual, the blame lies with a predictable unholy trinity of big business, our old friends on the right in global politics and an immortal race of psychic space-squid committed to the destruction of humanity which, even now, slowly but surely, are drawing their plans against us. 为什么国家不顾正在发出的警告,突然热衷于水果,支持热爱蔬菜的行为?诸如此类的事过去发生过多次;德国历史上有过豆芽携带最凶恶的祸根吗?通常,责备取决于一个可预见的大企业邪恶三位一体。我们的老朋友凭借世界政治权利,凭借一种超自然太空反潜艇鱼雷不朽的竞争优势,决心摧毁人类。甚至现在,他们还稳扎稳打地在绘制反击我们的计划。

             Let me explain. Google again, but this time add to "fruits" and "vegetables" the names Angela Merkel, Silvio Berlusconi, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Robert Mugabe and Vince Cable and you will see a similar visual smorgasbord as before. Where once they would have cuddled babies or posed in front of war planes, now they nestle up to nectarines and pat parsnips. 我再来解释谷歌,但是这次要加进“水果”和“蔬菜”,人名安吉拉-默克尔,贝卢斯科尼,马哈茂德-艾哈迈迪-内贾德,罗伯特-穆加贝和祈维信,以及你们将看到一个和以前相似的栩栩如生的瑞典式自助餐宴会,他们曾经在那里怀抱婴儿或者到作战飞机前摆姿势。现在,他们挨靠到油桃旁,轻轻拍打萝卜。

             The power brokers of the world are all friends of fruits and they are all in bed with vegetables, literally in the case of Berlusconi. (Though it must be stressed that the vegetables received no payment for the time they spent with the Italian president and were at his villa only to appear in a lasagne.) Our leaders promote fruit and vegetables and use state-subsidised health bodies to exaggerate the vile organisms' nutritional values, because they are in league with the real global superpowers – the supermarkets. 世界性权力经纪人都是水果赞助者,他们都和着蔬菜卧床;贝卢斯科尼就是这样。(不过,必须强调;伴随意大利总统度日,显现在他别墅烹调的意式宽面里的蔬菜都是免费的。)我们的领导在推销水果和蔬菜。他们与超市相勾结,使用他们的国家健康津贴夸大了这些罪恶有机体的营养价值。

             Tesco, Lidl and the Co-op are hellbent on flogging their valueless vegetables and their foul fruits to saps such as you and me for enormous profits. When Ahmadinejad gave planning permission to knock down Sheikh Lotf Allah mosque and build the world's largest Tesco, full to the brim of fruits and vegetables and slap bang in the middle of Isfahan's Naqsh-e Jahan Square, alarm bells should have rung at the emergence of the ultimate evil alliance. Instead, we sleep-munched our way to oblivion. Are you enjoying your celery? Yes. Idiot. 如同你和我要获得巨大的利益一样,英国乐购,利德尔和消费合作社都坚决要把无价值蔬菜和有害水果的汁抽打出来。艾哈迈德内贾德批准了拆除罗德菲拉清真寺,建造世界最大特易购超市计划。这个超市专售水果蔬菜,恰巧座落在伊斯法罕广场中央。罪恶团伙出现时,就会响起警铃。你喜爱芹菜么?喜欢的,白痴。

             Understand this. It is obvious that those who most enjoy fruit and vegetables seem to have little to show for their sordid enthusiasms. Perhaps our ancestor the monkey's failure to evolve is directly linked to his fondness for fruits? The very name of the fruit fly speaks of a distinct lack of dietary ambition. The peach potato aphid likewise. Our enemy the slug is happy to live on purloined lettuce, dying cloaked in shame with little to show for its life. And a dedication to the cause of the carrot seems to have done little for rabbit civilisation, doomed to a network of stinking underground burrows or to degrading hutches in infant-school play areas. 可以理解是;很显然那些喜爱水果和蔬菜的人没有热衷于自私自利。可能是我们的猴祖先没有直接进化到喜爱水果的程度?一提到水果苍蝇就令人倒胃口。桃子蚜虫,土豆蚜虫也能使人产生同样反应。就是奉献于胡萝卜的事业对兔子文明也不起作用,那注定是散发地下洞穴臭气的网络,或是在婴儿收容所的游乐场获取可耻的碗柜庇护地。

             Eating fruit and vegetables keeps you simple and stupid. It is no coincidence that they are the favoured foodstuff of athletes and sports people, simpletons who can be tricked into leaping and running upon the sound of a pistol, for no obvious practical purpose. And this is the way the Masters of the World want us dancing to their tune. 吃水果和蔬菜让你保持单纯愚蠢。不巧,它们都是运动选手和体坛人士偏爱的食物。他们像受骗的傻子,一听到发令枪声就盲无目的的蹦跳,跑步。这就是世界级大师们希望我们和着他们的曲调跳舞。

             Ever wonder why our leaders seem so blase about global warming and the imminent collapse of the planet's ecosystem? It is because their seats on the shuttle out of here are already booked. The deal is done. The psychic space-squid orbit the Earth in vast clouds, protected from military attack on the understanding that they will preserve our leaders on some faraway world, while we obediently eat the vegetables and fruits our governments recommend to us, deadening our spirits, priming us for the first horrible probings of the tentacles from the stars. Eat your five a day. Eat them all up. There's a good slave. 我们曾经迷惑;为什么我们的领导人竟如此厌倦全球变暖和即将到来的星球生态系统的萎缩?是因为他们在此穿梭往返的职位已经预定好了。待遇事项也办妥了。超自然太空反潜鱼雷在广袤云层里绕地飞行,可以理解是在保护领导人远离这个世界,免遭军事打击,而我们却顺从地吃着政府推荐给我们的水果和蔬菜,弱化我们的精神,还要准备首次探究来自星辰的可怕触须。每人一天吃五个,把它们全吃光,就是好奴隶。


If five portions a day are so good, how come rabbits and slugs are so stupid? 如果一天五份该多好,兔子,蛞蝓怎么傻了? - wjd54105 - 创建
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